What do you look for in the perfect mate?

I have no idea why, but an anonymous contributor recently sent me the results of a survey regarding what men and women look for in the ideal companion. According to this survey, the average man in this country with normal testosterone levels is in love with the following type of lady:

•She is 5-foot-7 to 5-foot-10 and weighs between 125-135 pounds
•She has long brown hair and blue eyes
•Doesn’t wear glasses, doesn’t drink or smoke
•Graduated from college and has a job ... any job
•The perfect woman is a Republican, eats meat (the less expensive cuts), wants kids, has a dog and listens to both rock and country music.

The men also indicated that they thought that the perfect first date included sex, but that their idea of a perfect woman would be a conservative Christian girl.

Ladies, is that typical of how a man thinks, or what?
The men said in looking for the perfect companion that appearance was the single most important factor – and the sooner they appear, the better.

My gentle readers, keep in mind this is the kind of woman the men said they were in love with and does not adequately describe the kind of woman they are, in fact, married to. As we all know, wanting and getting are two different things.

When the tables were turned and the women in the survey were asked to describe their perfect man, they described him thus:

•He is 6 feet tall, weighing 180 pounds, with short brown hair and blue eyes
•Does not smoke, doesn’t wear glasses, but does drink
•He is a professional of some sort, is a liberal Democrat, eats meat, wants kids, has a dog and can be any sign under the Zodiac
•His idea of a great date is a romantic dinner and a walk on the beach

As we all know, ranch wives are much more grounded in reality and realize that such men do not exist any place in this galaxy. When I actually did my own survey and polled several ranch wives, I got a much different description of their perfect man.

Here is a composite of the perfect man to whom most ranch wives are currently married:

•He is between 5-foot-2 and 5-foot-8, cannot be weighed on the cattle scale, has no hair and wears glasses but cannot remember where he placed them last
•He drinks, smokes and chews, but not always at the same time
•He is a Libertarian with political views to the right of Rush Limbaugh and Genghis Kahn
•He can’t eat meat because of his dentures, has several worthless dogs and is unable to sire any children (which his wife considers an act of great charity and humanitarianism)

Most women indicated that their husbands did not graduate from elementary school and made slightly less than $60,000 per year. (A lot less slightly!)

Most women in my survey also said that their husbands’ idea of the perfect first date was to: stay at home and have the little woman prepare a big meal, followed by a nap on the couch; dig fishing worms together; or sit on the porch drinking beer and watching lightning bugs ... followed by a nap on the couch.

Readers with questions or comments for Lee Pitts may write to him in care of this publication.