It’s the end of the year and the lists are just beginning to roll out: the top 10 Hollywood breakups of 2009, the top 10 sports star scandals, the top 10 kinds of socks worn by baseball players with odd numbers, who have been divorced three times – and they just keep getting more random and out of hand.

But I stumbled on the following list and had to share it, especially with those who do not own a computer. I can relate to so many of them, especially those having to do with gutter cleaners. So, here goes …

You know you’re an American dairyman/dairywoman if:
•You don’t remember the last time you showered before work
•You get home at night and find syringes in your pocket
•You laugh when your friends complain about having to work on a Saturday
•You have ever accidentally (or non-accidentally) medicated yourself with animal-grade drugs
•You have experienced a wet tail to the face before breakfast
•You have seen a dog eat a week-old placenta
•You have drank milk straight out of the bulk tank
•Every pair of pants you own has a teat dip stain on them
•You agree the five-gallon bucket is one of the greatest devices ever invented
•All beef cows look fat to you
•You have ever said “good enough for a barn” while working on your house
•You have ever witnessed a cow nearly killing herself trying to jump over, under, out of or into something
•You have ever combined pajamas and rubber boots to do midnight calf checks
•You own a pair of insulated coveralls/bibs, and they are usually crusty
•You’ve ever broken an Olympic track-and-field record running away from a bull
•You have ever been shoulder-deep in a cow
•You know the value of a mid-afternoon nap
•You have ever taken said nap in a barn
•You wake up at chore time even when on vacation
•You have ever used milkhouse chemicals to clean your bathroom
•You can accurately weigh a cow with your eyes and be within 50 pounds
•You can back up a manure spreader with your eyes closed
•You have ever pulled a manure spreader with your pickup, through town
•The smell of corn silage is one of the best smells in the world to you
•Your biggest fear in the world is milking a treated cow into the tank
•You can name at least five antibiotics and their milk withholds off the top of your head
•You don’t know what to do with a day off
•Putting in a new barn cleaner chain changed your life
•You own more syringes and needles than a heroin addict, but you recycle them anyway
•You are better than MacGyver at repairs, when your equipment breaks down during milking
•You have ever used a cattle trailer to move your personal belongings or somebody else’s
•You mention a dam and people think that you’re swearing
Have a wonderful New Year!

Readers with questions or comments for Melissa Hart may write to her in care of this publication.