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Every week can’t provide oodles of inspiration for column writers

While reading all the beginning-of-the-year columns by the talented columnists in various farm publications, everything centers around trends of the year.

Whenever I read columns like that I immediately panic and think, Oh No! I didn’t write a column like that! I didn’t analyze the new trends, predictions, reviews of the past year or make any new year’s resolutions!

Trying not to get panicked at my lack of a seasonal column, I decided to relinquish my doubts and fears and dig deep into the well of hot column topics: I asked my kids what I should write about.

Plagued by too many elementary writing assignments of what he did over Christmas break, Jake was the first to suggest that I write about what I did today.  I assured him that milking cows, a trip to Walmart and an apple fritter would probably not make any Top 10 highlight reel, so we’d better skip it.

It was snowing and that all the games were canceled was another suggestion, but I decided I had better leave weather-related cancellations to the local radio station.  (They love to create drama when bad weather is on the way.)

Then Jake remembered the meeting that I attended three nights previous. He was positive that was one of the hottest of hot topics for a column. I assured him you have to be quite a writer to create an interesting column about no premium money for a cow show.
One of the better suggestions came from the opposite end of the pecking order, my oldest. He was recently involved in a debate in English class. I hated his subject because I didn’t agree with it: He had to defend the proponents of lowering the legal drinking age to 18.

Today he came home and told me he won the debate. After listening to all his points and how he perfected the art of persuasion, I then had to ask the question: “You do realize that’s a stupid idea, right?”

We mulled over how I love the pictures of Miss America, Katie Stam of Indiana, sitting on a milk crate, milking a cow with her crown perched on her head during a milking contest at an Indiana Pacers game. We also discussed the pros and cons of farm boys playing pond hockey and how their lack of rules turns a peaceful pond into a total free-for-all, with a bunch of teenage boys wielding long sticks with blades on their feet.

I even thought about tackling the topic of global warming or climate change. But when I looked out at the snow coming down, I quickly realized I would be preaching to the choir and the choir doesn’t need any more sermons.

Then I heard my practical, sensible, never late, always early child saying, “You realize you only have a half an hour to finish your column, right?”

I jumped up from the table and said, “Yep, and thanks to all of you, I know just what I’m going to write about!”

Readers with questions or comments for Melissa Hart may write to her in care of this publication.

1/13/2010