I have a real hard time understanding the European’s fear of our beef, especially when you consider that they eat horses. How could those horse butchers eat the noblest of all animals?

In this country, the horse is much too highly regarded to be taken as nourishment, except of course by our pets. But in the EEC, if a horse has a bad day at the track his next outing is in the school lunch program. Black Beauty would have been served on a pizza, Secretariat in a stew. And those galloping gourmets over there make no apologies either. In fact, they have horse meat associations just like ours for beef, pork and lamb. Instead of advertising “Real Horse for Real People,” their slogan is “Horse Meat for Energy.”

The European picky eaters won’t eat our beef but they do eat filet of mule in Spain and donkey sausages in France. Which brings up a good point. You should stay away from all sausages of European origin because you can’t be too sure what’s in them. Bratwurst, bockwurst and liverwurst are the “worst” thing in the world for your delicate digestive system.

But I shouldn’t be too hard on the Europeans because there are some things that we eat in this country that were never meant to be digested either. I have classified these foods into the following basic food groups:

Sexual Organs: These include calf fries, turkey nuts or whatever other unpalatable names they are called. I’d rather starve, thank you!

Filter Foods: This basic food group is also known as Gut Food. It consists of such items as the liver, kidneys, tripe, menudo, spleen and all the other organs whose main job it is to filter out the undesirable disease producing microorganisms in our body. I ask you, how could anyone eat the kidney knowing its main function in the body (which I won’t even mention just in case you have a weak stomach).

Glandular Meats: This basic food group is just like filter foods only more disgusting. If you ever see a person pay $45.95 for sweetbreads in a fancy restaurant you can assume that person is brain dead. Which leads us to our next classification of meat you shouldn’t eat.

Skull Meat: The only reason that we have such hard, protective skulls is so that man would not attempt to eat anything confined within. But some hardheads do it anyway. If you have ever eaten head cheese, jellied tongue or brain I assume it’s because you don’t have one.

Fatty Foods: There is a whole list of these victuals that I know not from whence they originate. I believe that such things as suet, chitterlings, crackling, scrapple and chittlins are just Southern names for lard.

Nude Food: This basic disgusting food group is made up of the outside covering of animals. We don’t eat the peel off an orange so why should we eat the hide off a pig after it is undressed? Items in this category include ox tails, fried pork rinds and pickled pigs’ feet. How could anyone in his or her right mind eat pigs’ feet knowing what they have been walking in?

Extremely Dangerous Foods: This is the most potentially hazardous category of all and these foods should be avoided at all costs: horse meat, mincemeat and wedding cake.