Well, we’ve studied the globe and it looks like this year we WON’T be going on vacation to Ireland and Scotland. You may recall that last year we DIDN’T go to Africa on safari.

My wife and I don’t do vacations; haven’t been on one in at least 15 years. I’ve never been outside the U.S. except to eat Mexican food in Juarez, go to school in Australia, give speeches in Canada and go on a cruise to the Caribbean. I’ve never been to Europe, although I did ride in a Monte Carlo once.

I used to ride in planes almost every week but since I quit going to cattle sales I’ve never set foot in a commercial or private plane. I have no desire to fly any more, stand in line, be groped by TSA workers or sit in the middle seat next to a 300-pound sweaty gorilla in a tank top. I refuse to go any place that requires a passport and I will not spend big dollars for bad quarters. I’ve only spent over a hundred dollars for a night in a hotel one time in my life (in New Orleans) and just the thought of spending $350 a night for a hotel room makes me want to cut up all my credit cards.

Besides, as they say, “Vacations are always better anticipated than taken.”

Oh, I’ve had my share of traveling. For 40 years, I put 55,000 miles on our car going to bull and female sales across the country and every month I climbed into a private a plane to go announce a video sale. I enjoyed being around people like myself and working auctions and I guess you could say these were my vacations. I especially enjoyed the video sales in Cheyenne, Reno and Ogallala. I’ve been to all 50 states, including Hawaii, where I was so bored out of my mind I spent the week wallpapering my sister-in-law’s condo.

My grandparents used to take my brother and me fishing every year for two weeks when we were youngsters and these were the best vacations I ever took. I absolutely loved the first week but by the second week, I was counting the days until the dream vacation would be over and I’d have to return home to my dysfunctional family.

I’ve been self-employed for all but two of my 53-year career and this was never conducive to taking week-long vacations. For 50 years, I’ve had a weekly deadline for my column, advertising and feature stories I wrote and this left little time for vacations. If we did take vacations, often my wife went her way and I went mine. When I went to Texas to write eight feature stories in one week, my wife went to visit her sister in San Diego.

Our lifestyle was just not conducive to taking vacations. As anyone knows who has a cow-calf operation, even leaving the ranch for a single day will be the day the cows get on the road, the sheep get attacked by coyotes or you’ll have a scours outbreak. My wife had her own grocery store career, and I felt guilty when I had to go to sales for my work/vacation, leaving her home to sort out the triplet lambs, feed the cows and receive the trucks full of cattle I bought while on the road.

I’ve always been jealous of stocker operators because when their last load is shipped to the feedlot they get to go to Scottsdale. When I worked for Western Livestock Journal, I worked on a couple tours that they took to a different part of the country every year with three busloads of ranchers and their wives. There’s nothing like a ranch tour to get away from it all!

So, don’t look for my wife and I on the road on vacation this year because we’ll be at home enjoying our staycation. I’ll send you a postcard.