There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor and old age.

-Bill Bryson

Want to see how much you know about agriculture? Take the quiz and figure out your score. For each item below, circle the answer you think comes closest to defining these agricultural terms:

1. Linebred

a. Having a good pedigree

b. Animals related to one another to emphasize one or more traits

c. Having one purebred parent

d. Synchronizing estrus in a group of animals so they can be bred around the same time

2. Barrow

a. A ditch alongside a road

b. What a farmer does at the bank

c. Neutered male pig

d. City on the western coast of Alaska

3. Option

a. Football play in which the kicker chooses to kick or pass the ball

b. A contract that allows a farmer to buy or sell grain or livestock at a set price for a specified period of time

c. Bid placed on a horse sold at public auction

d. The choice you make when you decide to give your son/daughter the keys to the family car

4. Phytophthora

a. Structural unit of a plant consisting of a leaf and its associated stem part

b. Produced or precipitated by light

c. Microscopic soil-borne organism that causes root rot in plants

d. What you call your broker when you get bad advice

5. Greensnap

a. Cornstalk breakage caused by high wind when the plant is growing quickly

b. What green beans are called in the South

c. A lively, unbroken young horse

d. What happens to your back after throwing hay bales all day

(Note: Laughter releases endorphins, which reduce pain and contribute to feeling well.)

6. Buffer Strip

a. Vegetation planted along a stream to prevent pesticides and fertilizer from entering the waterway

b. What a farmer does before getting in the shower

c. A method of plowing to eliminate grass on the tops of terraces

d. Alternating strips of crops in a field to minimize soil erosion

7. Aflatoxins

a. Produced by molds, especially in stored grain

b. How Republicans and Democrats feel about each other in the same room

c. A potent non-protein neurotoxin that originates from cryptosporidium bacteria

d. Illness caused by soil-borne bacteria that animals ingest

8. Gilt

a. Shiny, expensive gold covering on some machinery bearings

b. How we want our teenager to feel after violating curfew

c. What happens when a farmer doesn’t pay his/her bills on time

d. Female pig that has not yet given birth

9. Put Option

a. A track-and-field event in which a heavy shot is heaved for a distance

b. Golf stroke made on a putting green to cause the ball to roll near the hole

c. Gives a buyer the right to sell a futures contract at a net price on or before a specific date

d. Method of starting a two-cylinder John Deere tractor, occasionally while cussing

10.   AI

a. What a farmer says when he/she accidentally hits his/her finger with a hammer

b. Well known crop insurance company

c. Agricultural industry

d. Artificial insemination

11. Dam

a. A young female sheep that has not yet given birth

b. The mother of an animal

c. What you say when you sold corn on a down market
d. Another word for manure pit

12. CAFO

a. Concentrated Animal Feedlot Operation

b. What some people say when they sneeze

c. Cash Advance for Operations

d. What your dog does when it is sick

The farmer is the only man in our economy who buys everything at retail, sells everything at wholesale and pays the freight both ways.

-John F. Kennedy

Scoring: Give yourself 5 points for each correct answer, for each question answered correctly: 1-B, 2-C, 3-B, 4-C, 5-A, 6-A, 7-C, 8-D, 9-C, 10-D, 11-B, 12-A. 

45-60 points: Congratulations, you are a farmer!

30-45 points: At least you’re trying to be a good farmer.

Under 30 points: Consider ag school.

For more information, check the Glossary of Terms at www.agriwell ness.org under “Resources.”

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.

-Edgar Watson Howe

Michael R. Rosmann, Ph.D. serves on the adjunct faculty of the University of Iowa, lectures across the United States and abroad and owns a row crop farm in Harlan, Iowa. He is a founding partner of the nonprofit network AgriWellness, Inc., which provides counseling services to farm people. He may be contacted by email at mike@agriwellness.org