On Six Legs by Tom Turpin 

 

No one is better known for use of words in the English language than William Shakespeare. The Bard, lo those many years ago, composed 43 works consisting of 884,421 words. For all of us remembering those dreaded writing assignments in high school, that is over 4,400 themes of 200 words each.

Shakespeare used 31,534 individual words in his writing. Don’t you sometimes wonder who counts these things? Shakespeare no doubt had a large vocabulary, but he also coined words and phrases, many of which are commonly used today.

For words such as eyeball, farmhouse, gossip, rawboned and sanctimonious, we can thank ol’ William. It was Shakespeare’s creativity that also gave us these phrases: naked truth, money’s worth, one fell swoop, own flesh and blood, the short and the long of it and cold-blooded.

Stratford-upon-Avon’s best-known son commonly employed the jest or insult in his literary efforts. In Henry IV we find: “this bed-presser, this horseback breaker, this huge hill of flesh.” Those words might not pass modern political correctness standards relative to people with excessive girth. Forsooth, how times have changed.

In King Lear, we find a whole slew of not-so-endearing Shakespearian insults, such as “eater of broken meats” and “son and heir of a mongrel bitch.” We also find “thou unnecessary letter,” a reference to the little-used letter Z, which Shakespeare apparently considered superfluous. In Measure for Measure, we read “O faithless coward. O dishonest wretch.” “You juggler. You canker blossom.” comes from A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Such insults are so common in Shakespeare’s writing that a number of modern writers have compiled books on insults based on his words. The following are three examples. Barbs from the Bard by Stefan Rudnicki and Michael Viner employs the subheading “lessons from the master.”

There is Shakespeare Insult Generator by Barry Kraft. From this book, you can construct more than 150,000 possible three-phrase insults. Wayne Hill and Cynthia J. Ottchen authored Shakespeare’s Insults: Educating Your Wit. According to the book, insults can be directed to “the knaves, villains and coxcombs of the reader’s choice.”

Shakespeare mentioned insects 100 or so times in his compositions but seldom in his rapier-like insults. This is surprising, given that insects were mostly considered vermin during his times and would seem to have provided fodder for a fancy-worded insult. For sure, Shakespeare does sometimes cast a few insects in less than positive light. Me-thinks the Bard may have missed a golden opportunity by not including insects in a jest or two.

Shakespeare did use insects to spice up his writing with the bee being the most frequently mentioned. This makes sense, because bees are visible insects with the potential for stinging. In addition, honey bees are social insects and were often literary targets prior to Shakespearean times. In one notable reference from Henry V, he refers to male honey bees “as lazy, yawning drones,” in recognition of the fact they do not work or, for that matter, even feed themselves.

Flies and their immature forms – maggots – weren’t ignored by the Bard. Bot flies such as those that attack cattle and sheep have maggots that feed in living animals. Understandably, animals respond negatively to being pestered by bot flies and run away. Such action inspired Shakespeare to write: “The breese upon her, like a cow in June, hoists sails and flies.” Breese is an old term for a bot fly.

Shakespeare also talks about stinging wasps and angry hives of bees. He mentions worms – a term sometimes used for maggots or caterpillars – as destroying organisms.

On a positive note, singing crickets are referred to as merry and the term gilded is used to describe butterflies.

While the insects Shakespeare included in his writing were common insects such as lice and fleas, he never mentioned cockroaches.

That is surprising in that cockroaches are historically despised creatures and have often been used as a slur name for disliked people.

Let me suggest that insect-related insults might fit right in with real Shakespearean barbs. For instance, “Thou waspish, son-of–a-bot, maggot.”

What about. “O stingless bee, O lousy companion, O lazy drone.” Or maybe, “This eater of worms, this tarnished butterfly, this cockroach.” At least you don’t have to delete any expletives from such insults.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of Farm World. Readers with questions or comments for Tom Turpin may write to him in care of this publication.