Without a government imposed mandatory hat check there are a few simple ways to spot the phonies amongst us. Bright plumage is a sure sign. Real cowboys don’t wear feathers in their hats that make them look like pregnant peacocks.

These are time-honored, longstanding traditions we’re talking about here: Indians wear feathers and cowboys wear hats.

And what is it with all these hat-pins lately? I saw a fella the other day that must have had 100 pins stuck through his Panama. His hat was so heavy his head looked like it was on crooked. Anybody who wears a lot of silver tie tack looking pins in their hat is probably a mechanic. If you have hat-pins and binding around the outside of your hat brim it is a sure sign you are a cowboy poet from Peoria.

A word about plastic hat covers. Real cowboys don’t cover their hats when it starts raining. Only bankers do this. For gosh sakes, a real cowboy hat is made from beaver pelt. You know, those animals that swim in water? If you happen to see someone holding their hat they probably make their living in the “service industries.”

Cowboys never take off their beaver bonnets because they know the safest place to keep their hat is on their head. You can’t sit on it that way or get it stolen off a hat rack.

The only time a real cowboy removes his lid is to get a haircut. And when they are getting shorn they place their hat on its crown so the luck won’t fall out. Anyone who lays their hat on its brim on a bed knows nothing about cowboy superstitions and deserves