Did you see where Amazon, the fourth-most valuable company in the world, bought Whole Foods? This has the trillion-dollar grocery industry all atwitter and even has Walmart shakin' in its shorts.

So much, that it came up with the idea of delivering the groceries you order online right to your refrigerator. This is the kind of idea that gets hatched in long meetings around big tables by dudes in low shoes, whose phones are smarter than they are.

Walmart says the groceries will be delivered by a company called Deliv, but I'd worry about any company that can't even spell Deliver.

Supposedly the drivers will have a one-time access code into your home to stock your shelves, and you can watch the delivery on your phone from anywhere on the globe. I assume that would include watching your housepest take a bio-break.

Personally, I don't like the concept because going grocery shopping is the only time I take my wife anywhere, and it would mean I'd never get to read the checkout literature. I don't think Walmart has thought this idea through or how it might work out in the great spaces in between places.

For example …

A ranch woman places her order on Walmart.com because she had to bale hay all day and didn't have time to shop. Later that day out where the hard road ends, there are no numbered streets and the voice on the GPS goes silent, the male Deliv driver gets lost and, being male, he refuses to stop to ask directions.

It doesn’t really matter because there is no sign of anyone, anyway. You can't really blame the driver for getting lost because all the screen on his phone says to do is "turn left at the mailbox that looks like it went three rounds with a baseball bat."

He finally turns down a dirt corduroy road that looks promising but after a half-mile all the groceries are covered in dust, the milk has jiggled into butter and the HoHos, chocolate chip ice cream and Twinkies have congealed into big blobs of sugar. It takes the driver 30 minutes to unlock the secret to opening the first of several tight barbed-wire gates and his grocery apron hardly provides adequate protection.

With dripping blood oozing from pricks all over his arms, he looks like he's been attacked by a paper shredder. Then the Deliv driver is chased back into his van by what he later describes to his boss as "a grotesque monster that must have weighed 10 tons." Actually, she was just a pet mare looking for a carrot or an apple.

When he finally arrives at the house he is greeted by an assortment of curs who attack the van with rigor. The driver sacrifices a package of hamburger and throws small chunks out the window to distract them.

Then he grabs two of the six bags and makes a run for the door and quickly gains access to the house through a screen porch door, with the dogs nipping at his heels. The yard is littered with groceries that have fallen from a broken grocery bag.

He hasn’t even made it out of the mud room before stepping into a mouse trap. and as he is trying to find room in a refrigerator filled with colostrum and antibiotics, he hears the distinct click of a firearm. He looks up into the barrel of a Purdy double-barrel shotgun.

"Start talking, mister," says the little old lady holding the valuable gun, "and this had better be good!"

“Uh, are you Nora?"

"Wrong bucko; there's no Nora here."

To make a long story short, it has taken two hours to deliver $100 worth of groceries to the wrong el rancho. The van now needs shocks, a paint job, a new windshield and a new driver because the old one quits immediately after the nearly fatal ordeal.

Two days later you can hear a man in the farmhouse that never got their groceries yell, "Where's the ketchup? And we're out of toilet paper, too!"

About the same time, the family who mistakenly got the delivery comes home to find their valuable gun collection has been stolen – probably by a guy matching the description of one ex-grocery delivery man.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of Farm World. Readers may log on to www.LeePittsbooks.com to order any of Lee Pitts’ books. Those with questions or comments for Lee may write to him in care of this publication.