First the passenger pigeon, then the buffalo and now the most adaptive species of all has nearly disappeared: I’m talking about door-to-door salesmen. It’s been years since I’ve seen one of those guys, and I’ve kind of started to miss them.</p><p>
We used to get a lot of visits from certain religious groups, too, but my wife put a stop to that. Connie’s interest in religion prompts her to argue various points of theology, trying to convince the caller his or her theories are ill-founded.</p><p>
These folks quit coming. Their churches figured there was no use sending out the faithful only to have them return as Methodists.
I tend to sympathize with religious groups, but my style with door-to-door salesmen is best described as “politely abusive.” A visit from two book salesmen years ago is a good example.</p><p>
My son was about 10 years old at the time, and he answered the door. The salesmen seemed surprised to find a man home in the middle of the day and offered to return later when Mrs. Pond was here.</p><p>
“Oh, no that’s okay. You can talk to me,” I said.</p><p>
“Well, we have these new learning guides that everyone is getting for their elementary students,” he explained. “Usually the fathers ask us to talk to the missus about it.”</p><p>
“I think I can handle it. Tell me about it,” I said.</p><p>
The salesman glanced at his partner and began his pitch. He knew our children’s names, which grades they were in and all of our neighbors. These boys had asked a lot of questions down the road.</p><p>
“I’m from Georgia,” the salesman said. “I’ll bet you could tell that by my accent. Have you ever been to Georgia?”</p><p>
“Nope,” I said.</p><p>
“Well, have you ever been in the East?” he probed.
“We’re from Ohio,” I said.</p><p>
“Oh, great! I was born in Erie, Pennsylvania. Isn’t that something?” he said.</p><p>
“That’s nice,” I replied.</p><p>
The salesman looked at his partner. The partner had moved closer to the door.</p><p>
“We have these learning guides that everyone is getting for their kids,” he repeated. “They are really helpful for reports and learning how to do math problems and everything. Where do your kids get information for their reports?”</p><p>
“At the library,” I said.</p><p>
“Well, these are nice learning guides. One is all about science, and the other is math in the front, and the back half is a Bible.” (That seemed odd to me, but I let him go on.)</p><p>
“Your friend, Craig Wolfe, liked the way the math book explains the problem and then gives the answer. What do you like most about these learning guides?” he pleaded.</p><p>
“I think we’ll continue to get our information at the library,” I finished him off.</p><p>
With that, the salesman folded his books, smiled nervously at his partner and both ran for the door.</p><p>
As they drove down the driveway, I turned to my son and said, “Let that be a lesson to you, Russ. Get yourself an education so you won’t have to sell books door-to-door.”</p><p>

Readers with questions or comments for Roger Pond may write to him in care of this publication.