Suppose you are the boss. A subordinate comes to you and says, “I’ve got a problem I’m having trouble with.”

What would you say or do? Do you take over? Do you share some valuable insight you have into the problem? Do you offer a solution that solves the problem?

Yes. Yes, if there are time constraints or crisis conditions. Yes, if the decision is too significant or risky and affects group success in a material way.

No, if you are trying to help that person learn to solve their own problems and take responsibility for their own work. No, if you are trying to get your subordinate to develop their talents and internal resources. No, if you are trying to develop their long-term effectiveness.

Isn’t that what we do with our own children? We want them to become strong, independent decision-makers who can take responsibility for themselves and solve life’s problems as they come up. We help them move from dependence to independence. We encourage and reinforce their inventiveness and creativity.
The best kind of control is control that comes from within, not from external authority. A charismatic, heroic, transformational leader might use his or her special gifts, power, vision and personality to shape and control events.

But in the end, their cause will be sustained if they have developed strength and leadership in their followers. The best leaders invest themselves in helping people govern themselves.

So what would you say to someone coming to you with a problem? “How will you know when you have solved the problem? What will your ideal conditions be like? What have you thought about so far? Does your alternative meet or cause those conditions? What other things have you thought about?”

There are no answers, just questions.

Actually there is a role for constructive suggestions, instructions, coaching, encouragement and guidance. These efforts are directed at reinforcing self-leadership instead of task-specific behavior. The concern is on helping the person work through the problem instead of on the problem itself.

Here are some other questions designed to help people think through their own problem:

What is it exactly you are trying to accomplish?
Do you know how well you are doing?
How often does that happen?
How will you know when you have succeeded?
When do you want to have it finished?
How do you think you did?
Are you pleased with the way it came out?
What would you do differently next time?
Is there anything that makes you excited or encouraged about the way things are going?

Overall, how do you feel about the way things are going?
These questions help a subordinate think and evaluate his or her own goals, performance and perspectives. The problem is squarely in their court and you are interested in helping him or her verbalize their own ideas.

Under conditions of acceptance and support, people set their own goals and are their own best critics.

How leaders teach leadership. A leader helps others become independent by being an example of someone who takes responsibility, has self-control and is self-directed. The best way to learn leadership is by watching a leader operate. This is strictly a “do as I do” program.

A leader encourages practice and rehearsal before performance and critical self-observation after a task is completed; encourages self-goal setting and long-range planning; allows for mistakes and failures as necessary learning experiences; lets people do their jobs in their own way; takes a risk on people – their confidence in others makes success a self-fulfilling prophecy; and brings out excellence in others.

A good leader is not a hero, but a hero-maker. The spotlight of attention is turned on the followers. Where there is a good leader, there are strong, independent followers who have developed their own leadership skills.

A leader is best
When people barely know he exists
Not so good when people obey and acclaim him; Worse when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
They will say:
We did it ourselves.
-Lao-Tzu

The ideas for this column were taken from the book Super Leadership: Leading Others to Lead Themselves by Charles C. Manz and Henry P. Sims Jr.

Dr. Val Farmer is a clinical psychologist specializing in family business consultation and mediation with farm families. He lives in Wildwood, Mo., and may be contacted through his website at www.valfarmer.com

Farmer’s book, Honey, I Shrunk the Farm, can be purchased by sending a check or money order for $9.50 to: “Honey, I Shrunk the Farm,” The Preston Connection, P.O. Box 1135, Orem UT 84059.