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| Modern mores would have put a damper on our history |
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Can you imagine how America’s past would have been altered had all the rules, regulations and political correctness that exist today been present throughout our nation’s history?
Henry Ford never would have mass-produced a single car if he had to meet CAFE emission standards, Johnny Appleseed would have been arrested and forced to pay a heavy fine for spreading an invasive species and John Audubon might never have painted all those pretty bird pictures if, as an avid hunter, he had not been allowed to shoot an endangered species now and then.
What? You thought he was able to get such detail in his pictures just by watching them fly by?
We wouldn’t even be the good old US of A if our founders had to put up with all the nonsense that deadlocks our country today. The patriots dumping tea into Boston Harbor would have been arrested for polluting, and I’m quite sure they did not have a permit to meet in a public place. Paul Revere would have been thrown in jail for disturbing the peace and PETA would have protested that he mistreated his horse.
The Declaration of Independence would have been held up in committee by Congress and the National Organization for Women would have howled like a lovelorn coyote because not a single woman was asked to sign the document.
George Washington would never have been a general, or our first president, because he’d have been in the hoosegow for chopping down that cherry tree without a permit. Instead of becoming the Father of our Country, he’d have rotted away in a federal penitentiary, being turned into a hardened criminal at taxpayer expense.
Alaska and Hawaii would not be part of us – as in U.S. – Louisiana would be owned by France today, heaven forbid, and the Saints would not have won the Super Bowl because we’d still be waiting for United Nations approval to invade a foreign country: The Midwest. The Wilderness Society would never have stood for our scouting the wilderness.
Had NAFTA been in place, America, along with neighbors to the north and south, would have been just a part of the United Provinces of Mexico. Our soccer and curling teams might be better, but can you imagine our cuisine or our language? Cod tacos, eh?
Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t have sent Lewis and Clark on their epic journey without a Porta-Potty every 100 yards – and can you imagine the reaction of the Sierra Club and Defenders of Wildlife when they heard Lewis and Clark had picked wildflowers and shot wolves?
Animal rightists would never have stood for the mountain men, who were so instrumental in discovering unknown parts of this continent, to trap beavers. PETA would have thrown paint on Jeremiah Johnson for wearing fur.
California would still be speaking Spanish (even more than they already do) if those migrating to the Golden State had not been allowed to cut firewood in a forest, shoot wolves and bears or go to the bathroom on public land. Westward Ho! would have been Western Halt! because the Humane Society and the Hollywood community would have stopped the immigrants in their tracks for abusing the oxen, horses and mules that pulled their wagons on their way west.
The 49ers would have been thrown in jail for creating a Superfund site, even though the money from the gold in California and the silver in Nevada helped pay for the Civil War which ended slavery.
We’d all be homebodies today, still living in the original Colonies, because railroads would never have been allowed to chop down forests for railroad ties, or to hire nonunion Chinese and immigrant Irishmen without OSHA breathing down their necks.
Remember that glorious moment when astronaut Armstrong stepped out from his spacecraft, taking one giant leap for mankind? Well, that was before global warming. Al Gore would have said Armstrong’s historic leap would create a huge carbon footprint and our space program never would have got off the ground.
Readers may log on to www.LeePittsbooks.com to order any of Lee Pitts’ books. Those with questions or comments for Lee may write to him in care of this publication. |
| 4/21/2010 |
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