Talk about grinches. Here’s a news story saying folks shouldn’t give pets as presents, especially Christmas presents. Animal welfare professionals suggest giving someone a pet for Christmas is like tossing them a grenade without the plug.

“Don’t even think about putting a puppy or kitten under the tree,” these experts recommend. “Instead, purchase and wrap the items the new pet will need for its arrival.”

These experts suggest buying doggie toys, leashes, collars, and food dishes for puppies. For a kitty, we are supposed to buy scratching posts, litter boxes, litter, cat condos, and catnip toys.

“Both will need brushes, combs, nail trimmers, and pet toothpaste,” they say.

All of these items should be wrapped and placed under the tree. Then, the gift recipient is supposed to unwrap this stuff and embark upon a long and intensive search for the perfect pet.

That might work for some folks, but it won’t work for me. I don’t have the patience for that kind of thing.

When I need puppies, I need puppies. I don’t have time to search around for the perfect dog.

My cousin, Dean, is the same way. Dean acquired so many bird dogs years ago that he named one of them “Alimony”. The situation wasn’t that serious, but it gives an idea what can happen to a person.

I’m kind of skeptical about giving folks presents that lead to another present. If I opened a box of dog brushes and nail trimmers, I’d think, “Well, this takes the cake. I ask for puppies, and all I get is dog hair.”

I’m reminded of the two little boys with widely divergent personalities. One boy was such a pessimist nothing seemed to make him happy, while his brother was wildly optimistic.

The kids’ personalities were so extreme their parents worried about what to give them for Christmas. They knew the optimist would be happy with anything, and the pessimist always thought his little brother got the best presents.

The boys’ parents vowed this year would be different. So they bought the little pessimist the fanciest electric train set they could find, thinking this would make him happy.

Then, they found an old shoe box, filled it with horse manure, and wrapped it for the little optimist. Maybe this would make him a little less exuberant?

On Christmas morning, the pessimist opened his train set and started to cry. He figured the train wouldn’t work, and it was sure to break sooner or later. Nothing his parents said could cheer him up.

Then, the little optimist opened his box of horse manure and began running around the room shouting. “Oh boy! Oh boy! This is wonderful!” he said.

“There’s gotta be a pony around here somewhere!”

This farm news was published in the Dec. 6, 2006 issue of Farm World, serving Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan and Tennessee.