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Make the airport security happy: Wear clean socks
The alarm went off and I pushed the snooze button. On one of the most jam-packed days of my life, my subconscious decided I needed an extra hour of sleep and instead of waking at 2, I bolted out of bed at 3 a.m. and hit the floor running, literally.

I slugged down my cup of coffee that I usually sip in bed while watching the early morning news and rushed out to the barn to do my heifer chores before I left for the airport to catch a flight to Kansas City.

Kissing my family goodbye at 4:30, I rushed out the door worrying about the traffic I’d face. Worrying was a waste of time – my one-hour-15-minute trip took one hour and 15 minutes.

Arriving at the airport on time, I was puzzled by the automatic ticket counters. I had no idea what to do, where to touch the screen or what my confirmation number was.

While all the savvy business passengers with their sleek black wardrobes and their perfect hair and briefcases touched and took their tickets in three seconds, I just looked at the man behind the counter and said, “I don’t have a clue!”

He took pity on me, helped me out and I was on my way to security. Taking off my boots was much less traumatic as soon as I realized I had on matching socks without holes. (That’s why your mother says be sure to wear clean underwear … or matching, hole-less socks.)

For those of you who are like me and only leave the county about once a month, let me inform you that things have changed. Now when you fly, you have to take your shoes off to walk through security. Thank you, terrorists.

Waiting to board the plane gave me a chance to catch up on things like painting my fingernails. So, I sat in the terminal and applied two coats and covered up the stains left from the iodine dip we use on the cows. Nail polish is a useful tool, when you have time to use it.

Once on the plane, the search for a seat was easy. Plopping down next to another passenger who looked like she might hold a conversation, I was pleased to see that she didn’t have anything stuck in her ears. iPods and MP3 players are a great, nonverbal way of saying, “No, I don’t want to talk to you, you’re a total stranger, I’m tired and I just want to get to where I’m going, leave me alone.”

In Kansas City, I entered a meeting room full of laptops and BlackBerrys and had to transform my mind into a business mindset.

You know, there is a difference when you’re in the business world, as opposed to communicating in a barn full of cows You can’t just say to people, “Are you feeling okay? You look sick in the eyes, can I get you something?” Or, “Let’s get on with it, we’re burning daylight!” Or, “We don’t need a hundred opinions, just pick one and do it.”

It was a long day of opening my mouth and closing it to formulate another way of saying what I wanted to say, and I was glad to relax in the airport on my way home, where I didn’t have to worry about making a good impression.

The route home was much easier with the boarding passes and automatic check-in screens. In fact, I think I heard someone behind me whispering, “Look at her, she’s one of those really savvy business travelers.” Then again, maybe not.

At the end of the trip, I walked in the door at 9 p.m. in one piece and my family hardly knew I was gone. It was like I had just walked in from getting the mail. Hardly a glance!

When the alarm went off the next morning at 2 a.m., I was glad to be staring at a day that didn’t include airplanes, touch screens or business etiquette – just a lot of “I need socks!” “Where’s my backpack?” and “I love you.”
 
Readers with questions or comments for Melissa Hart may write to her in care of this publication.
11/26/2008